The adage that you never get a second chance to make a good first impression is doubly true for online dating! In this medium, the first message you send may be your only chance to grab the attention of a potential partner. The quality of your online conversation starters can really affect the chances of a new relationship taking off.
Elite Singles sat down with international relations expert Sami Wander to get her top tips for writing attention-grabbing, connection-inducing first messages that can move things forward. She shared her top 6 tips for influential online conversation starters.
Online conversation starters: the best tips for connection and communication.
Tip 1. Start conversations only with people you are really interested in meeting.
No matter how good your online conversation starters are, it’s easy to spot when someone sends the same general message to everyone looking for an answer, any answer. Instead, be selective and invest your energy only in those matches that appeal to you (quality over quantity). Don’t consider yourself too picky or a fault-finder if you don’t message everyone because it’s important to be smartly selective. You will be successful if you always maintain a balance and remain open to all possible matches.
Tip 2. Take the time to look at the person’s profile by reading their story in detail and see what you might find interesting in their photos.
Try to determine if there is anything the two of you share: a hobby, a love of dogs, a place you have both visited in the past. If yes, this can be one of the best conversation starters online because it shows you made the effort to check out her profile and can point out a shared resemblance. However, if there’s nothing in common you can talk about right away, go the other way around and ask about something in their story, profile, or pictures that is completely foreign to you or that you find intriguing or would like to try. YourChristianDate
On a related note, when writing your own profile, be sure to include those potential online conversation starters in there, to make it easier for people who read your profile to connect with you. Include your passions, be as specific as you can, and paint a vivid picture of your life, rather than just listing your likes and dislikes.
Tip 3. Use the information you chose in the previous step and craft a personal message that the person you’re sending can relate to.
It’s a good idea to start with the person’s name or username, so it’s obvious from the get-go that this isn’t a mass copy/pasted message. Be brief, but long enough to be meaningful. End your message with a question or a hook, to give your potential date a chance to respond. Not only does this keep the conversation going, but it can also lead them to reveal more about themselves. For example, let’s say Donna or Don has a well-written profile that includes the following:
“I’ve been told I’m an art snob and I’m not afraid to admit it. You might find me strolling through MoMA on a Saturday night or exploring some new independent gallery somewhere in Brooklyn.”
If you are an equally artistic person, you could write a first message like:
“Hello Donna or Don, nice to meet a fellow art snob! 🙂 Although I admit I haven’t been to MoMA in years, have you seen any big temporary exhibitions lately? ”
On the other hand, if you are not an artistic person, but still want to connect with her, you can start with:
“Hello Donna or Don! I loved your profile and I am intrigued by your passion for art. As someone who never really “got” it, I have to ask a genuine question: What does going to galleries offer you? I would love to understand more! «
Tip 4. Remember to speak and act like the educated, successful, and elite person that you are.
Because it is about online communication, informal jargon tends to dominate. When this happens, too many amazing people inadvertently end up sounding like frat boys and girls or desperate artists reciting stale clichés. Having a more formal tone is the way to go. In a first message, never just write “hello”, “hey” or “hru”, since it will most likely NOT catch the attention of that special single.
It shows laziness and throws the responsibility to find something interesting to talk about to the recipient, and if that person is in high demand and receives many messages every day, the probability that he will even reply to your one-word message becomes very low. . . It goes without saying that sexual profanities, innuendos or compliments should not be included in a first message. YourChristianDate.com
Tip 5. Always remember to check grammar, spelling and punctuation.
This is important because when you don’t, you risk not getting responses because a poorly grammatical message often reads as sloppy and low value, and that’s how we know. A study conducted by Kibin states that 43% of respondents are put off by bad grammar, while 35% find proper grammar sexy. Interestingly, women seemed to show stronger feelings about grammar than men, so that post is worth checking out folks!
Even more interesting, income also seems to influence the importance of a well-written, grammatically correct and properly punctuated message (or profile): in this study, respondents earning more than $100,000 a year were 10% more concerned. , compared to respondents who earn less. While this may be considered a small thing, don’t let it compromise your chances of attracting such an “elite” partner like yourself!
Tip 6. Women should also start conversations online.
I’m a proponent of polarity in romantic relationships, but online dating is where I do teach women how to make the first move and start a conversation with men. The reason for this is simple: in general, men receive far fewer messages than women, so taking the first step is a sure way to stand out. Second, just because you sent that first message doesn’t mean you should take on the lead role in the future. Instead, it can be the virtual equivalent of making eye contact and smiling at a stranger in a crowded room, an invitation to get closer and find out more about yourself.
Finally, my last recommendation, for both men and women, is to remember to incorporate the energy of fun and joy into your messages. Authentic, lightweight, personalised messaging is the best way to make it all work online. Happy dating!