Apparently, youth is when you want to Truths About Relationships kiss in the rain and then go to bed with someone. Adulthood, in turn, is when you already know that after such an action you can go to bed, but with pneumonia. At best with a fever and a red nose.
These two versions of looking at the same situation show how much they can divide ideas and reality. Sometimes these differences are harmless, but if you base your accounts on SharekAlomre.com false expectations, they end up teaching your cat to fetch. A disappointment.
1. No “I love you” works for the future
“Last Tuesday he said that he loves me, and today he announced that he does not see himself in this relationship, he packed his bags and slammed the door.”
This is roughly one of the most common sentences people say when they break up. Yes, they saw that something was falling apart, but it was still quite ok. They could sit next to each other and laugh, watch a movie together and pose for photos at a meeting with friends. Only that means there were good times in the relationship, not that it was a good relationship.
If we drew what people feel about each other on a graph, there would be two lines on it. The first would refer to what we generally think about someone, how we feel about them, and whether we react with joy or fear when we think about our common future. The second Truths About Relationships would record what we feel at the moment. It’s no wonder that we may be willing to lay down our lives for our children, but still hate them at times (along with the song “Baby shark”). It is also not surprising that even when we generally feel bad, we can still have a fantastic day. To look at someone and forget about their shortcomings for a moment. Become sensitive to his view of the world and say “I love.”
This is not a lie. It is not a problem. It is a record of current feelings. The problem is assigning too much importance to moments rather than trends.
2. Most people lose in their relationships
When people get to know each other, they go out for a drink and dinner, and then get a bottle of wine. Meanwhile, they play games. If it were even chess, Monopoly or Mortal Kombat, it would be half the problem. All the poverty begins, because the game of a large part of men is: “I pretend a relationship to get sex and be able to evacuate at any moment.” On the other hand, women play “I pretend to be relaxed, I love to cook and wear stockings, but I’m in no hurry to get into a relationship”.
What could go wrong here? Literally everything. – Truths About Relationships
If you look at this hand it doesn’t matter who wins here, in fact everyone will lose. He wins, she will feel cheated, used and hurt. If she wins, believing that he wants to leave the relationship, he will start doing what he sees so often: compete with his family or passions, limit him, SharekAlomre be jealous – in short: castrate him without anesthesia.
In relationships, you can only win together, but to do so, you need to go beyond these sex games and build a relationship with a person who, apart from the contents of panties, also has a name and surname, favorite movies and a unique view of the world.
3. You need completely different skills to pick up and be with someone
If you are a woman (this most often applies to women, but not only that, so please don’t be indignant) and you have a dozen contacts on your phone to guys who will let you cut off your finger to make an appointment with you, it’s easy to believe that you are an exceptionally attractive person .
All in all, you’re right, but you forget that to be an exceptionally attractive person, you don’t need to be able to resolve conflicts, reveal your soft underbelly, support the other person or face your nightmares. If you want to become a master of first dates, all you need to do is craft your image properly and learn basic social engineering. Then you can drum the dates on a tape.
The problem is, that doesn’t mean you will build a successful relationship. It just means that you are a product with great marketing. The question is, what will be left of it when the trial period is over? Will they still want to be with you then?
It can be different.
4. Love is no answer
It won’t fix you, it won’t give you long-term happiness, it won’t heal your traumas. Do you know why? Because it is neither a magic dressing nor a visit to a psychotherapist, and sometimes that’s what you need, not someone who will grunt and snore next to you at night.
So what is love? Addition. Even if you imagine that this accessory is a diamond necklace, it still won’t impress the person in sweatpants who says “come on”.
You have to take care of yourself first.
5. You will also be alone in a fantastic relationship
I know people who expect that when they are with someone, that person will meet all their needs. They will realize each other together, overcome problems, her goals will be as important to the other side as itepe itede for her.
My opinion on such thinking is simple. This is stupid.
The relationship will never be like a supermarket where you will find everything that meets your needs. Whatever you do and if you don’t meet a fantastic person, you will still have your professional life, interests, thoughts that you will not reveal, people who will be your friends, not your friends, and problems that you will face alone.
The relationship is just one of the levels on which we fulfill ourselves. Even if it is the most important (I do not undertake to judge it) it is not and will never be the only one. Truths About Relationships This is why relationships with people who want the other person just for themselves never work. They lack air. Other roles. Possibilities to be yourself.
Sometimes people do it so they don’t lose someone. The paradox is that this is the reason why they lose that person.
And it’s not that it felt bad. Rather, even if you like pizza, eating it for every meal of the day is a bad idea.
6. No matter what you give, it still may not be enough
Imagine making a decision to write something nice and sincere for everyone you know. You spend weeks preparing these lists, but no matter how much work you put into them, there will still be people who will first throw them in the trash. Not because you tried too little, but because they just don’t give a shit. Because they value other things. Because it might be childish for them. Truths About Relationships Because more than honest letters, they’d be happy to have a bottle of wine. Because they would like to get them from another person.
Hurts? Definitely. But think of your relationship as food in a restaurant. Not everyone likes the same dish. Some people prefer burgers, others veggie, and diabetic guests won’t eat even the best cookies. The effort and the heart do not matter, because you have to find the right people with it.
7. It is not enough to love yourself
You still have to like each other a little , and this can be much more difficult.
8. Even the best relationships end
I am always surprised how quickly people can become strangers to each other. In one month you listen to them and you can’t bear the amount of sweetness per minute of conversation (you know, all those “Frog”, “Slut” and “Bear”), and in the next you watch them turn into the words: “Pathetic Idiot and Misogynist” “And” I regret the days and months that I have devoted to you. “
We know from physics lessons in the 4th grade of elementary school that when water freezes in the cracks, it can burst any stone. It’s the same with relationships. Truths About Relationships They seem hard and unchanging, but if you look closely you will see that they are full of gaps. They hang on thin hairs. Not everyone holds them tightly enough.
While they don’t have an expiration date on them, that doesn’t mean they’ll be eternal. They may or may not be. This is not a reason to distrust them. Rather, that’s a reason why we should appreciate them a little more while they are there.
9. You will meet people with dozens of different goals
In romantic comedies, people who get to know each other don’t want to be together at first and have to overcome some problems (sometimes it’s a move, sometimes a career aspiration, and sometimes a desire to pass every chick in the city). It does not change the fact that they generally want the same thing – a partnership with another human being based on kindness, respect, understanding and a lot of orgasms.
Rather, no one enters a relationship there to dominate someone and make someone addicted to themselves, or because no one better has emerged. He does not bring shitty family patterns and high expectations into the relationship. He does not compensate himself for Truths About Relationships his private failures with the help of a second person. She doesn’t treat him like a Voodoo doll, and it’s nice to stick pins in it and watch her writhe in pain.
We don’t watch it on cinema screens because we watch it every day. Sometimes in my bedroom and sometimes with my neighbors and friends. It doesn’t change one thing – the relationship you want is not the default relationship model. This is only one of the dozens of possible options, because as I wrote before :
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“For other people we are test drives, trophies, challenges or additions that complete their weeks, like a mint leaf on a raspberry cheesecake. Sometimes we are an insurance policy, and other times a rollercoster where you can forget about taxes, wrinkles and the boss who is an asshole. For someone, we are the sun around which thoughts revolve at three in the morning. We happen to be casual entertainment, Truths About Relationships later remorse, a memory that will not be told to anyone, or a painful kick that says, “Hey! Ripen! “. We are crumbs of other people’s stories, supports in front of the main star of the festival of their lives, glass pieces spinning in a kaleidoscope of cafes, streets, shopping malls and clubs.
Finally, we are also everything to someone. “
Phew. There is nothing like quoting yourself. So now we’re going on.
10. Nobody is meant for you
The New Psychology of Success by Carol Dweck is a book that I believe should be read by anyone who cares about their own good. Dweck, in addition to deciphering how our attitude affects professional achievements (that’s 90% of the content), also included a handful of reflections in the book about how our thinking about relationships affects relationships.
And well, thinking that there is someone out there who you will be like two oiled gears and you may not be putting any effort into making this relationship work is at the forefront. Beliefs that don’t work come first.
Do you know why? Because such people have one disadvantage. They do not exist.
You will not always agree with any person. Will differ in your values. You will have other goals. Will have to study yourself to know where not to put pressure on someone, lest they cry out in pain. Just because you put in the effort doesn’t mean the relationship is worth less. On the contrary, it is worth more because it is your work.